What I tell myself in this journey that I’m currently in. I feel different every day — happiness, bliss, frustration, anger, disappointment, lust, etc. Virgos tend to be hard on themselves, and I am too. Recently, I felt that I was lost. But now looking at it, I am not lost, I am exploring, wandering, learning, and getting to know myself better each day. My interests change over time. And I should be fine with it, I tell myself, repeat, “life is uncertain, death is certain.”
Don’t be pressured when you go off your timeline, because you can’t control everything. With that said, you can control what you can — yourself.
I’ve also been desperate in creating a wholesome version of myself. And I guess, I will always be. But I have to accept that I can be annoyed, I can hate people too — for the wrong pathetic reasons, and I can, later on, learn from it. I can like someone one second, unlike the person right after. I can choose the wrong people, make mistakes, and learn from all of them. I don’t need to pressure myself to be the ideal version of myself. I can strive, but only when it feels genuine.
Right now, I love myself more. And I’m proud that I love myself. I may be imperfect — have things I hate about myself, but I still do, at the end of the day, love myself.
Right now, I am saying goodbye to my past self. It’s time to let you go and move on. Embrace a new chapter of my life. I may love my body in the past, but I don’t need to sulk and keep on asking it back. I can strive for another version of my body. One that I want, without looking at the past.
I have also learned how to live in the present. And I feel like it’s too much. I have to embrace who I am, and find the balance between living in the present and preparing for a future — that is uncertain.
So who am I? Kad, kadinggo, karuchan, kadyoga…
I am a creature of this world who would always learn, explore, and challenge my perspective, and my preconceived views. I like wellness but am having a hard time embracing it. I like being at peace with myself, but I also love people. I love to love and relationships. I like learning from people. For me, everything is a learning curve and I feel grateful that I have the privileged to experience these with safety nets. I am not perfect. I have an ok relationship with my family but I should be working hard. I should do some work and show my love for them, but I am having a hard time aligning my views, and interests, and communicating with them.
I have loved, cheated, been broken, and insecure. I am exploring and discovering different facets of myself. I am responsible. I get hurt and hurt people too. I love the earth but am still not 100% responsible. I am happy with my work. I have great friends, but I am having a hard time being friends with myself. Isn’t it ironic that I want to explore and be away but I can’t stand being alone?
I am selfish but I don’t protect myself because I know that if I shield myself from getting hurt, disappointed, etc. Then I know that I will not learn. I am always striving for wisdom.
I love the earth. And would love to fix it. Because that’s who I am. I am strong in knowing what’s wrong and coming up with solutions.
I am rambling but this is who I am. I am still wandering, but I am not lost.
