The year is about to end and I have learned so many things about life, myself, and the people around me. Still stubborn and selfish at 27, but still learning (hopefully) because it is what growing up is about.
Learning curves. I don’t listen, or listen to what I only want to hear. A reading has told me to surrender, stop pre-empting, what I can’t control. A reading has told me that I have a fairy, giving me signs and always guiding me (I’m sorry for not listening). Thank you for guiding me, but I think I should be able to pass it on.
Too late. It could be or not. Maybe things are meant to unfold this way. I am sorry, deeply sorry that I am unable to become a support.
The storm is approaching, and all we can do is prepare.
There are so many blockages in my life and I know what to do but I don’t, and that’s on me. But I don’t blame myself, because I know I’m doing things right from now on (I am confident now).
A part of me used to want to go back to 2017, a time when I was in love with yoga, a past version of me. The frustration broke me. But now I realize that I don’t need to go back to the past, I just need to move forward.
I embrace and will continue to embrace the sensitive part of me. Learned enough from it, cried, and broke down almost always — with the petty things (still breaking down).
Logical is what I stand for but I lost it within me. I became a different version of me, a version of me that didn’t make me happy, but I learned new things from it.
We can always learn and grow. It is our choice. Our choice to be happy, sad, our choice to move forward. I used to always cry and rely on others for many things — things that I can do.
To you, I learned so much from you. I’ve grown, become closer to my family. You’ve made me laugh and happy many times. You made me experience new things, new life skills. Made me realize that while I may be smart, I am stupid about so many things. Many times I’ve cried, and that’s on me. I am sorry for breaking you, it was never my intention. We can no longer go back to the past and revive the better, and happy version of you. But we can always move forward — perhaps not together. You are light. Nope, you are a fire. And I hope you find it back because you are a wonderful human being. And if a time comes that you are ready to welcome me back to your life, I’ll be here. Maybe better and more mature, able to support you from close or afar. I will always be grateful for sharing a piece of my life with you.
2021 is about to end and I have so many things that I haven’t done, haven’t fulfilled. Already aware of my problems — tendency to do so many things at once. I don’t follow through.
I don’t know what it is with the end of 2021 but I feel both light and heavy at the same time.
Trust the process. I asked the card that if I already know what to do, when will I do them all?
“You’re already doing it. Stop overthinking. Keep facing your true north,” it says.
And some more cards that came out.
“The age of light. You’ve been training for this for lifetimes.”
“Lost and Found. What was once lost is about to be found, thanks to the Lost-and-Found Fairy. Sometimes she can help us find things we never even realized were lost.”
“Imrama. Where are you being called to journey to?”
I’m listening. Sorry if it’s too late, but I’m listening.
I hope everyone will be safe here in Siargao. The storm will pass.
I am grateful to be in a safe place where I could journal about my thoughts, a lot are not privileged enough to be in this situation. I hope they will still be okay.
